[ Creed Discuss ] NCR but funny

From: "Amanda Inman" <amanda_us_81@yahoo.com>
To: "List Creed" <creed-discuss@debbir.com>
Date: Fri
13 Dec 2002 09:40:06 -0800 (PST)

>  What's the best form of birth control after 50?
>What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>45 lbs.
>What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>45 minutes.
>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>Why do men want to marry virgins?
>They can't stand criticism.
>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
>good looking?
>Because those men already have boyfriends.
>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
>What do you call a smart blonde?
>A golden retriever.
>Why does the bride always wear white?
>Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
>A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
>biggest boobs?
>The blonde, because she's 18
>Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
>Ask your mom.
>How do you know when you're really ugly?
>Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
>How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
>When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
>Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys
>Palm Sunday.
>What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
>Her navel.
>What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
>Bingo machine.
>Why did God create alcohol?
>So ugly people could have sex, too.
>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>"Are you sure it's mine?"
>What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
>Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>Mace will do that to you.
>Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
>They named him Sum Ting Wong.
>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
>A speech impediment.
>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>Breasts don't have eyes.
>What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
>A pimp.
>Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only
>Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
>A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage,
>with a recipe.
>What's the Cuban National Anthem?
>Row, row, row your boat.
>What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
>A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale
>"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
>Dr. George W. Kukurin
>"The harder I work, the luckier I seem to get"_ Thomas Jefferson

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