================================================ Subject: Re: Fw: Florida dumped from union From: "Keith Mears" To: Date: Tue 10 Jul 2001 22:25:14 -0500 ================================================ OH. MY. GOD. Mad, I am impressed, and would just like to ask, WHAT HAPPENED? Is it just because our posts haven't been long enough? This is FUNNY STUFF! > This, along with the "Revocation of Independence" (on it's way once I make > it fit better) were both sent in hopes of lightening up the mood on the > list. Wonder what they'll do this time around. (mad's reply is posted at > the bottom... I thought it was a cute follow-up, and shows that yes, she CAN > have a sense of humor ). > WASHINGTON D.C. - > > Following an emergency meeting Tuesday morning, Congress unanimously voted > to excise Florida from the United States of America. The move was a reaction > to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have > totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election. > "This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian > Gonzales, now this." > Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in > coming. "We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney > Frank. "They' ve been a constant embarassment for too long now." added > Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh > that's right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot!!!" > In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachussetts senator Ted Kennedy > commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up > billions of dollars in social security funds. "These are valuable funds > which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild > our demoralized, weakened military," said the Senator to roaring applause. > From her New York campaign headquarters, freshly elected senator Hilary > Clinton echoes the sentiments of her future colleagues on Capitol > Hill,calling Florida "a hurricane-addled hellhole full of scheming Cuban > immigrants." "Learn f***ing English already, you banana boat bums!!!", > Clinton added. > As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new > election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in each state > will be tabulated by robots. "It is clear that our human vote-counting > system is too inherently flawed," said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. > "The presence of these new, superior robot mast- err, I mean - tabulators > will ensure 100% accuracy." "Remember," said Hastert, "every vote counts, > especially if it's counted by robots." > Dynamiting will begin in Florida next Wednesday, after which the state will > be completely geographically seperated from the United States. "After that, > they're on their own," said Hastert, "I hope they sink...F***ers." > I said it before and I'll say it again. We, the citizens of Florida, have > absolutely no problem leaving the US. However, Creed, being citizens of > Florida will remain here with us, playing concert after concert for the new > Republic of Florida. Of course, all concerts will be free to all the > citizens of our bright new country and no one who is not holding a Floridian > passport will be allowed to attend. Please, do not attempt to cross our > borders as all non-Floridians will be shot on site. > Our beaches will no longer be open to the northerners and our country will > no > longer be kind enough to accept your elderly and decrepit citizens. And, we > will be shipping all of your relatives back to you. Walt Disney World is > and > will remain on Floridian soil, making it off limits to all of you. > The R.O.F. has declared the song "One" as our new national anthem and Scott > Stapp has been appointed interim president until an election can be held and > his position can be made official. Since no one has come forward to run > against him, we have no fear of someone demanding recount after recount in > order to get the results they desire. Our country vows to live in peace and > tranquility for all of eternity. To unsubscribe or change your preferences for the Creed-Discuss list, visit: http://www.winduplist.com/ls/discuss/form.asp